The mental battle

Time certainly moves quickly. Last Friday I was thinking I should write a quick post since it has been a week since my last post and already another week has gone past. So a quick update, I continue to spend a lot of time studying the law, learning new areas, a little bit of networking but probably not enough, building my second web sites, getting my two other practice blogs up and running. But I am not actually practicing law or making any money or serving the needs of any clients. My other/old/part-time job continues to take up close to half of my time during the week.

So I could write about technical practice aspects (blogs, web site, technology), but instead I think I will try and comment on what I call the mental battle/war that wages in my head from day to day and hour to hour.

So there are about 8 hours in the working day (at least when I am in my law office) and at any point in time I find my emotions thoughts range from:

Panic -- What the hell am I doing? Am I crazy? What if the solo practice doesn’t work . . . shallow breathing? Will I be a failure? What do I do if this doesn’t work?

Self doubt – do I really have what it takes? Can I really do this? Do I have the knowledge and self confidence? Will clients come to me? Can I really teach myself the various aspects of the law I need to know about

Alone – This is all on my shoulders, no one else to blame or depend on.

Fear – Where are the clients going to come from? What if I don’t know the answers when I do have clients?

Exhilarated – I love being my own boss, setting my own course, making the decisions without being dependent on anyone, proving my self, no more ass kissing, I come and go when I want to.

Supremely confident – somewhere in me, I just know this is going to be a success, others have done it and they have succed. Sometimes I just feel so certain this will work.

Happy --- I am so damn happy I went to law school and have this unique option to open up my own practice.

Overwhelmed – it seems like there is just so much I do not know about the law, just getting through the books and researching takes forever.


Reading back this list, I see that there are more negative feelings than positive. That said the roller coaster mental ride is more evenly balanced between the positive and the negative, in fact I would say it is more like 66% positive feelings and the rest of the time negative. What I am surprised about is how quickly (minutes?) I can go from supreme confidence to panic. Writing this post has been calming, good therapy so to speak. More later . . . back to work.