The Devil You Don't Know

I am afflicted with what appears to be the typical fears and anxiety (and, at times, panic!) of leaving the comfort of a regular pay check for the unknown. I say typical because so many of the other pepople starting out describe the same feelings. There are lots of things to worry about, failure, money problems, being alone, being in over my head. One of the fears I really wonder is whether I will like practicing law? Remember, I already quit the law once because I thought I didn't like it. But that was working for a big firm. So as I think back on those days I wonder was it the big firm I didn't like or was it the actual pracitceof law? Sometimes it is hard to look inside your head and find the answers to these kinds of questions. I can remember vaguly (this was 8+ years ago) thinking that the job would be pretty good if it was 9 to 5 which suggests that perhaps that I did like the actual work it was just the way the law was practiced. I also know that at times when I have done a blend of legal and business work I have generally liked the legal parts of it. I remember once leaving the office and spending a day at the library drafting a partnership agreement, it was kind of fun. I also know I have enjoyed reading the local legal newspaper when I started subscribing a few months ago (something I never did while practicing law at a big firm). So maybe I actually like the law. There were, however, other times when I was more than happy that I had a general counsel or coporate counsel to fall back on, let them worry about all that stuff I thought as I focused on the business aspects of the various deals I worked on. So all of that leaves me wondering, will I like it or not. I think I will but I am not sure.

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Telling the second manager

I told my second manager this past Tuesday of my plans to open a solo law practice. I went to work after the holiday weekend determined to get this done and, after almost procrastinating for another day, I walked into his office at the end of the day and told him of my plans. What a difference a reaction makes. He was calm and supportive, said that probably half the people working at our company have thought of going into business for themselves. I didn’t really know what to expect, we talked for about 20 minutes, we talked generally about an end date. He was also supportive of my plans to work on a contract basis part time which was good news, although he said it was dependant on his manager’s approval. We agreed to tell the rest of the team tomorrow and he said he planned to open a posting for my replacement by the end of the day Wednesday. I left the office energized and relieved. In short order, the news was announced to the team at our staff meeting the next day and my manager’s manager pulled me aside to say they would be interested in the contract work if we can work through the details. All in all everyone was positive and friendly about it. For the rest of the week, I realized that for the first time in months I didn’t have to go to work with this secret plan, it was out in the open and that was a relief. This weekend I am enjoying a sense of relaxation I haven’t had for a very long time.

One other take away from the whole experience was just how replaceable/interchangeable/expendable we are in the corporate world, less than 24 hours after telling my manger they were already in the hunt for a replacement. It’s hard to justify devoting so much of your life to a position where you are so expendable.

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Telling the manager

Well the ball is starting to roll; this past Wednesday I told one of my two managers of my solo law plans. I wanted to type out my thoughts Wednesday night so they would be fresh but I was just too exhausted and drained. Instead I had a nice conversation/pep talk with my wife about what happened which was comforting and then we watched part of a French movie on the TV.

I had been trying to arrange a time to talk with this manager (who is my dotted line manager but the one who hired me) for a few days, one meeting I had scheduled got cancelled, I tried the walk-by-the-office approach but that didn't work, so finally I just sent a cryptic "can we meet" email. I stopped by her office at the agreed upon time, but she put me off for another hour. Anyway, finally we did meet and I told her what I was thinking. She immediately rejected the concept of turning my job into a part time position, but seemed grudgingly open to a part time or contract basis until they found a permanent replacement. I could tell she was not happy that I was making plans to leave after a year there. She had been instrumental in hiring me into what most people acknowledged was a position for which I was overqualified. Although nothing specific was said, I had the sense that during the 25 minutes we spoke I was no longer part of the team; mostly from subtle ques that would take too long to describe in this post. There were no real to-do's or decisions out of the meeting other than telling my other manager (who is really my direct manager; this is a matrix organization) and will make the call on if and how part time might work. I will do that next week as he is out on vacation this past week.

The whole experience left me depressed, although I am not sure what I was expecting going into it. Perhaps the conversation made the solo law plan more of a reality, more daunting, perhaps it was that for the third time in less than five years I find myself facing the prospect of starting over whether it be looking for a new job or, in this case, starting a new business. On the long drive home in the dark, I listened to that song Breath Me by Sia that they used in the last 15 minutes of the final episode of Six Feet Under. When I am in a melancholy mood I like to listen to melancholy music.

After that down turn, I have bounced back and took today as a vacation day and have been working on my web site. It’s starting to come together. More later.

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Office Space

There is something liberating about being able to choose the environment and location of where I am going to work. In a past job, I use to drive 50 minutes each way out to an office that was selected because it was within a 5 minute drive of the CEO's house. Good for him, not good for me.

On the way home from work today, I stopped off to look at an office that was advertised on Craig's List. It was a nice size office with large windows in a three story office building that had other small businesses (although no lawyers). The advertised rent was about $600 and its about a 10 minute drive from my house. I had a good feeling about the other people in the office that I met, seemed nice, easy going. They are looking for a month-to-month commitment which is fine with me. That said, there was no conference room to meet clients and the general appearance of the building would not make the best impression on clients. It may work as a place to work for the first few months but I don't think it is a long term home.

The ideal situation for me is an office in a nice suite of other solo or small firm lawyers. I found one great place with a nice office, receptionist, conference room, copy machine, law library etc. but the cost was way out of my range at $1500/month which includes someone to answer the phone. I am going to offer them $500/month for a temporary situation so that if they do find someone to pay the full amount they can kick me out on 30 days notice. I know they have been looking for a while so maybe they will take it.

I could work out of the house, but I am the type of person that really needs to get out of the house to work, even in the dorm I could never work in my room always going to the library. Something about keeping work and home life separate.

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Sunday off site

Well my wife and I had an off site on Sunday. I don't know what your life is like but by the time we get the kids down to bed on the weeknights we are too tired to do much talking about the finances, bills, career plans etc. I am inclined to hit the couch and watch 24 or surf the web or just set the coffee maker to come on in the morning and go to bed. We just could not find time to have a serious discussion about our finances and my plans to go solo.

So, on Super Bowl Sunday afternoon, we got a babysitter and headed to a study room at the library of my old law school. We were there for about 2.5 hours going over the various Quicken reports trying to figure out how we spend so much money on a lifestyle that is just not that extravagant. We also talked about my plan to move to solo law, what would be at stake, risks etc. My wife is a great supporter and gave me the pep talk I needed. Sometime you just need to hear someone say "you can do it" over and over again. So the conclusion out of that was that we spend too much money, we will try and cut back and its time to rock and roll with Project Solo. My plan is to ask my current employer if I can go part time say 2 days a week, leaving 3 days to do the law practice. I hope to have this conversation in the coming week, we shall see.

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